I hath been sucked in ...

... to the vortex that is "I Love New York." Watching this is a complete and total waste of brain cells -- even worse than "Flavor of Love," and yet I am intrigued.

And now the commentary ...

• What's up with Tumbleweed's (T-Weed's) hair? Shoot, the name fits that raggedy ass mop on his head.
• How much do you want to bet that Bonez (the dude quoting Bible verses) has a Love Swing, handcuffs, and a cat-o-nine tails in his bedroom?
• I'm questioning Cupid's sanity and sexuality. What grown ass, self-respecting, sane and/or heterosexual grown-ass man owns a yorkie? And offers to treat a woman like he treated his yorkie? That boy is either not straight (in which case, the yorkie is perfectly acceptable) or crazy (the more likely scenario).
  
• Real needs to keep it real and admit that his lying behind is too trying to get a record deal.
• And his brother Chance is the kind of clown I saw clear through at 16 ... I know her dumb ass ain't going to fall for him.
  
• Mr. Boston has to be the winner of the Whitest White Dude in America pageant ... for five years running, man.
  
• Why can't New York do anything without her mama?
  
• What's up with the uber-gay sidekick? I mean he's 11th-level flaming gay stereotype. Not even the fun, bitchy gay stereotype that we all know and love, but the annoying gay stereotype that can only be played by straight boys who are pretending to be gay for kicks.
• Memo to T-Bone: women are looking at your eyes to avoid looking at the rest of your face.
• Onix was named Onix because he looks a little too much like Fredro Starr of Onyx fame (And did you know that Onyx released five albums?)
• Memo to T-Money: Dude unless you won the Masters or work for Enterprise Rent-A-Car, a green sports jacket is not a good look.
  
• Memo to 12 Pack: don't admit that you tweeze. And don't say things like "I could sleep with Shamo tonight if I wanted to." That's really not helping your "I'm not gay" case.
  
• Memo to New York's mama: Rico isn't gay. He's Latin. It's a less gross form of macho and can therefore seem gay-ish to American women.
  
• "Male servant" ... Um, Pootie, is that anything like a male hooker?
• ROFL: Wood, Hottie and Pumpkin must have the same agent. How do three former "Elimidate" contestants wind up on various VH-1 shows?